Blog Post

Are you ready to declutter and move on?

Anna Pittard • 28 September 2024

How does the title make you feel?

If it makes you feel anxious, you’re not alone

Some of us react to the thought of decluttering as if a tiger has just walked in through the door and we either want to run away or do nothing and we just can’t get going. For others of us it can make us feel excited but for some reason we just can’t seem to get on with it.

I’ve written this blog because I feel that a piece of the jigsaw is missing. There are lots of websites, books, podcasts and other resources out there about the practicalities of decluttering. There are also decluttering companies which I know people use with great success.

But first we need to get the brain on board with what we want to achieve because then it will not only be easier but also enjoyable and hugely rewarding.

Why is it so hard?

Our basic responses to threatening situations are to freeze, fight or run away. Sometimes a mix of the three, and none of them help us to achieve a clutter free life.

So, what is so scary about decluttering?

Uncertainty

Our primitive brain does not like change when the outcome is uncertain.

Change can be very welcome when it’s two weeks off work – we know it will either be relaxing, exhilarating, productive, or whatever else you’re seeking. That’s because you know what you have planned, you are in control.

But change that is uncertain activates the part of our brain that comes to life when there’s any chance of threat. That area is called the amygdala, it warns us that there could be something dangerous out there which can hurt us.

And, importantly, the primitive brain will always show us the worst possible case scenario.

Here are a few of the awful disastrous, worst possible case scenarios that your primitive brain is telling you will happen if you declutter, (and you probably won’t even be aware of this inner dialogue).

You will be forced to say goodbye to important sentimental belongings

Don’t do it!

Once we start the process of decluttering, we can be surprised to feel that letting go of belongings actually feels exhilarating and releases us from the past. However, we don’t have to let go of sentimental belongings and we are in control of what we choose to keep and what we choose to let go of. It is our choice.

You’re going to throw or give away something that you can’t live without

Don’t do it!

How often do you make bad decisions? You probably won’t get rid of anything you don’t want to, but sometimes we do make mistakes. The good news is that we can cope when we make mistakes. We wouldn’t have got where we are today without making some mistakes, and we always get through them, and we do cope. We can’t live life not doing something in case we do it wrong – which applies to everything we do.

This is going to be harder than climbing Mount Everest

Don’t do it!

It is unlikely to be more physical than carrying some boxes around the house, so this is a metaphorical representation of the mammoth task it feels like it could be. Here we are viewing it as an enormous endeavour, rather than seeing the easy steps along the way, which we can probably in fact achieve relatively easily.

When we are running away from a threat the only thing that matters is the exit, and to help us see where that is we develop tunnel vision. We can’t see anything else around us, just our escape route. We can’t see all the different possibilities there are available to us to do a task. We can’t see how easy it can be to break down the decluttering into simple tasks that are manageable and won’t feel overwhelming. We just need to open up our field of vision and see how achievable it really is, and when we do it becomes so much easier.

Congratulations to the primitive brain, it has spared you the fate of death by tiger!

(at least that’s what it thinks)

You probably won’t even know these thoughts are going around in your mind, because before they’ve registered on a conscious level your brain has said:

“STOP! Put Netflix on and open some biscuits!”

As soon as you agree to do that, the primitive brain puts its feet up and leaves you alone because there’s no threat here now.

Until the next time!

These are some of the things that we end up doing thanks to the 'fight/flight/freeze' response (spoiler alert, none of these actually involve any decluttering)

• Sudden need to clean something that wasn’t on your radar five minutes before the idea of decluttering came into the picture

• A mammoth binge of the latest Netflix series

Definitely in the ‘stop and do nothing and hope the tiger goes away’ mindset here

• Go for a nap

You’ll be nice and cosy, but your primitive self is ‘freezing’ for sure

• Browse the internet for storage solutions

You’re still doing something productive right?!

• Order a book about how to declutter

We actually believe this to be part of the decluttering process, but it probably isn’t, often it is procrastination and avoidance of the issue.

• Book a holiday

No better way to run away is there?!

And the list goes on, you know how it goes. We are all unique and so your ‘fight, flight, freeze’ might look very different, but whatever it is, it is stopping you from moving on.

Some of us don’t even recognise this pattern, we just believe that we try to start the process, but something always comes up (because cleaning those windows definitely was more important even though you hadn’t noticed they were dirty for weeks!)

How can I just get on with it?

First, we need to understand the reasons why we self-sabotage, which prevent us from just doing it. If you’re struggling with decluttering, you have your primitive brain to thank. And actually, you should be thanking it because it believes it has rescued you from that scary tiger.

How to break the cycle

So, to break the cycle, the first thing we need to do is to reassure our minds that this is absolutely something we want to do, something we can do, something we are in control of and something that will make us happy!

So, what can I actually do?

1. Reassure your mind that you are safe

Ideally, we want to be relaxed and in a positive frame of mind. So, choosing to do something that makes you feel like that, before you begin, can be a big help.

Here are some ideas:

• Listen to (and sing along with if you want), to your favourite music

• Go for a walk (and listen to music)

• Go to the gym, for a swim or run, if that’s your thing

• Spend fifteen minutes doing something creative, knitting, drawing even writing a letter

• Lie down for ten minutes, and this is different from going for a nap to avoid the situation. When we stop and let our body relax the mind actually gets busy. It has the space to work out the best way to do what you need to do. Set a timer for no more than twenty minutes time and chances are you’ll feel more energised and ready to go. Putting on a meditation track can help

There are lots of other things you can try, but it’s important that it’s something that suits you and makes you feel good.

2. Reassure your mind that the end result will be worth the effort

Visualisation

If you haven’t used visualisation before, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and how incredibly effective it can be. This is because the mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. You’ll know this if you’ve ever felt scared watching a movie, or your mouth has started watering when you’ve walked past a restaurant with delicious smelling food. You’re not in that scary situation and you haven’t eaten that delicious food, but your mind has reacted as if you have.

Ask yourself “what will the end result look like?”

Spend some time really imagining what it will look like.

Then, and this is even more important

Ask yourself “how will that make me feel?”

This is key because the primitive/emotional mind responds really well to feelings.

Imagine feeling:

Happy

Pleased

Liberated

Proud

Satisfied

Your brain will believe that this has already happened and so if you do the same thing again (decluttering) that’s how you’re going to feel the next time and that felt amazing,

So do it again!

3. Have a plan

It doesn’t have to be complex or difficult, but it must have a starting point.

• WHEN will you start?

• WHAT WILL BE THE FIRST STEP that you will take?

• WHAT TASK WILL YOU JUST HAVE FINISHED? so that your mind knows when that finishes the decluttering begins

You do know how to declutter and often once we get going with any task, we find we get into a flow state and we automatically find better ways to do things than we’d previously considered. So really the hardest part of decluttering is the starting point.

Here’s an example of how you can use this plan:

WHEN?

I am going to do it on Saturday

WHAT WILL BE THE FIRST STEP?

I am going to empty one of the drawers in the kitchen and separate the items into things I use often and things I rarely use

WHAT TASK WILL YOU JUST HAVE FINISHED?

I will have just had breakfast

Are you now ready to declutter and move on?!

Try these 4 steps to successful decluttering and let me know how you get on

1. Make yourself feel safe

2. Visualise achieving your goal and feeling good

3. Decide when you will do it, what is the first step and what task you will just have finished